Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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