if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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