Im at strip club and am horny
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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