You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
