when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
