I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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