I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
