He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
