I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
