I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just pee around me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
