the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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