Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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