I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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