At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
