I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
