You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
