She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
