I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
