so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
