I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
