you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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