So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
