hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
