i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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