my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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