He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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