I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
