I look better un-naked...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
