weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
