I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he thought i was a dude.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
