Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
