she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I could have mohawked her pubes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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