You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
