Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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