What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
