One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
