return my video game
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
