hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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