i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
