Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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