Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
