You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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