You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
