i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
