...so i touched it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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