just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
