it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
