Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
