mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
