Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
