You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
