YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
