hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
