Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
