One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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